Not Even One Cent Of Taxpayers Money Should Be Spent On Margaret Thatcher's Funeral - Privatising her funeral would be a fitting tribute to her free-enterprise legacy
"The Iron Lady herself would surely agree that poor taxpayers should not be further burdened in these times of British austerity. Surely, the private sector, which benefited immensely from her time in power should foot the full bill for the public event of her funeral."
by Sunny Hundal
Margaret Thatcher's close ideological ally Ronald Reagan famously said the 10 most dangerous words in the English language were: "Hi, I'm from the government, and I'm here to help."
Neither Thatcher nor Reagan were enamoured with the state and its role in society. They wanted private companies to be able to reach into every party of our lives. So why not extend this privatisation experiment into the after-life?
Now someone by the name of Scott Morgan has launched this e-petition:
'In keeping with the great lady's legacy, Margaret Thatcher's state funeral should be funded and managed by the private sector to offer the best value and choice for end users and other stakeholders. The undersigned believe that the legacy of the former PM deserves nothing less and that offering this unique opportunity is an ideal way to cut government expense and further prove the merits of liberalised economics Baroness Thatcher spearheaded."This is a brilliant idea, and surely one even Thatcher will approve of. It can be a fitting tribute to her ideological legacy.
Let me be clear: it's isn't nice to wish death on most people, and I'm not doing that here for Thatcher. She deserves a degree of respect like other people, in my view, despite what she did as prime minister.
Surely the serious point behind this petition is to ask how far ideologues are willing go. Wouldn't Thatcher prefer the first privatised funeral instead of a state one? After all, why go out on a state subsidy?
Consider the endless possibilities, for die-hard Thatcherites, of privatising the event. I think we can agree it should be ticketed so it can turn a profit. Perhaps an IT company (let's call them Crapita for example), could sell tickets via the internet. You may have to wait a couple of months to get the system off the ground but at least it'll work … eventually. If it's anything like the privatisation of the railways, none of the funeral services would run on time and you'd end up with 500 people in a church meant for 200.
But there could be optional extras otherwise denied by the state. You could pay to have an opportunity to wail, as North Koreans seem to have perfected. Wailing while stabbing a picture of Arthur Scargill should obviously cost much more. Opportunities to sell Thatcher memorabilia (a picture of her with Pinochet, sir?) would be endless. It could even boost our sagging economy.
The television rights to the event should be auctioned off, perhaps for a private library dedicated to Thatcher (with John Maynard Keynes banned from the economics section of course).
Surely Thatcher herself would agree that poor taxpayers should not be further burdened in these times of austerity.